For several years now - our family and a fantastic group of friends have ventured down into the good ole' U.S. of A every Canada Day for a week's worth of camping. We all share so much in common - from the number of children we all have under the age of 7 (two a piece...which multiplied by 4 families adds up to a total of...yes...8 KIDS...can you begin to see where this blog is heading?), to our husbands uncanny ability to have snoring contests during the night (Oh yes...THIS is going to go well...), to our LOVE of all things "wine" related (THIS could be the final undoing...) Oh yes, fine people - how could this combination NOT be a recipe for camping success?
Here's what I have learned over the last 4 years...
1. It is NOT a good idea to park your trailer on any type of slope. Doing so will only magnify the queasy wobbly feeling you experience when going to the bathroom late at night after drinking several bottles of wine.
2. 2 a.m. rides on the playground merry-go round in the dark should be frowned upon. There is probably a reason that merry-go-rounds have been BANNED in Canada, and falling into the bushes dizzy in the dark will cause a series of strange bruises and scrapes in the morning light.
3. No matter how yummy it is, a steady diet of bacon for 5 days eventually will catch up to you...and your children...who sit patiently on the campground bathroom toilet waiting for the next person to help them "wipe their bum".
4. When at the lakefront beach with all 8 children under the age of 7 - it is a good idea to bring a series of noisemakers to grab the childrens attention. Air-horns, trumpets, ice-cream truck music and exploding scud missiles work well - for ALL children become mostly deaf when their frantic parents are screaming at them to stop leaning over the edge of the dock to see the "fishies". Should the noise maker actually cause them to fall in - the noise shocked crowd should be quiet long enough for you to yell "Hey, you on the dock...grab my kid!"...thus preventing you from having to leave your lawn chair.
5. Just because you are in the STATES...does NOT mean things are free! Yes, wine, beer and groceries like giant tubs of Cheese Puffs are half the price - but indulging in twice as much makes you twice as revolting. Nothing says "sad" like a Canadian t-shirt wearing, tipsy, wobbly, air-horn totting momma sitting in a lawn chair with orange cheese puff dust all over her face. Restraint can be a good thing...
6. This one is a puzzler...but I may have figured out the solution to this age old problem. Why...as parents do we wait until it is late at night, and dark to pump our children full of gooey marshmallows and chocolate around a smoky campfire and then LOSE our minds chasing them as they run around in a sugar induced frenzy in between various campers and tents as they belt out top 20 tunes with questionable lyrics? I solve this problem by now feeding them s'mores for breakfast...
7. Figure out a game plan to s-l-o-w-l-y wean your mate into the shock of the Target bill before you are in line at Canada Customs. I tried for about an hour during the drive home to casually bring up the subject. "Soooo...WHAT is the amount that you can bring back again?" "Sooo, did I tell you I found some great deals on PJ's for the kids and they should be set now until...college?" The shock of the bill when you are next in line at the border is probably not a good face to be sporting to the Custom's Officer. I tried to avoid this problem by cleverly handing the officer the Target receipt with a pleading puppy dog look and a little wink.
And was then promptly strip searched...
