My wabi sabi

Wabi Sabi. Just say it - it sounds really Star Wars "ish" - like something Yoda would say to young Luke Skywalker. Wabi-Sabi, wabi-sabi...

The definition of this Japanese term is one that is not easily defined. Very loosely translated - it means finding the "beauty" in imperfections. Such as this mug - not "perfect" but "wabi-sabi". This is very loosely translated, I might add. I wanted to keep this term as a future reference for my life - use it as an excuse to tell my friends - "Oh, I am just practising "wabi sabi" - hence the messy house and spaghetti noodles all over the ceiling". While googling some wise wabi sabi terms this evening - I came across a website dedicated to various "quotes on imperfections". Reading through them - I was struck by the following...

"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise."Alden Nowlan

This particular quote was meant for me to read tonight - after the disastrous evening which occurred in our house. I had set unrealistic expectations in my mind on numerous tasks I wanted to accomplish today - and when evening fell, and I was feeling frustrated with my lack of accomplishments. I lashed out at my family. There were toys everywhere, the bathroom sink was full of toilet paper, the dishes from supper were piled everywhere, laundry was spilling onto the floor from the couch...and I snapped. My girls ran around frantically under the screaming fanatic drill sergeant "mommy" (which would be me) - arguing back at me that it was the "other" one who made the mess. Tears, pj's and toothbrushes later - they were in their bedrooms.

That's when the WTF moment hits me. I certainly didn't accomplish anything constructive during my rampage - and now I felt like crap. Cuddles and kisses followed, along with an apology from me. It's hard to admit to your kids that you are not perfect - but it's even harder pretending like you are. I know this to be true. Forgiving myself for my "imperfections"hasn't come quite yet (I am not a fool - I have two daughters to go through the teenage years) - but I look forward to the day I can call myself "wise"...

Or...wabi sabi...